The Recession Hits Home

You can't get away from the news of the recession these days. Bad news is everywhere. GDP is down. Unemployment is up. People are slipping into default on their loans. Homes are going into foreclosure. Now it's a regular occurence to see people holding up signs "Will structure credit default swaps for rent." on street corners of downtown Atlanta. Poor bankers, I'd hate to be a banker these days. Oh wait . . .

 

In any case, for those fortunate enough to keep their job, stay in their home and continue to put food on the table for their family, the economic situation can be one mostly comprising empathy for those less fortunate. It is a simple fact of life that unless you're living through unemployment, the best you can do is view the scenario as a painful, but somewhat abstract possibility that you hope you won't have to experience. This abstraction gets a lot more real when people who are affected by the downturn show up at your house, or in our case, actually take up residence in your house.

 

Luckily for us, the Smiths actually have some experience with social welfare. Our cat, Rhett, has been drawing unemployment and disability for over 8 years now. In fact, I don't think he's ever worked a day in his life. I'm certain of it. Lucky for him, he has taken up residence in a home that will care for him. Unfortunately, we're now taking on more boarders and the ne'er-do-well kitty is starting to dislike the competition.

 

The Bag Man of Huntley Drive

About a week ago, we had to lay off Perritt as the corporate fleet mechanic. It's not that he hasn't been a dedicated employee for the company, it's just that during this time of economic crisis, we don't believe maintaining a company fleet of very small toy cars is in the strategic plan for 2009. So we sat him down, thanked him for his efforts for the household enterprise but reminded him that at this point in the credit cycle, we needed to manage our costs very tightly. He took the news well, went down for his nap had a big cup of milk and a good night's sleep. So we thought all was well. But the next day, he showed up for work again. He was escorted out of toy closet. But the next day was the same. In fact, he just keeps showing up, playing with his trucks. To placate the disgruntled former employee, we placed all of the trucks outside the office, but this has complicated matters as he simply showed up outside headquarters with a plastic shopping cart. Now he roams the office hallways and offices picking up random toys. He'll push them around for a while, take out some to play with and then put them back in a push them around some more. That's right, we have a verifiable baglady in our house. Only in this case he's a little bagman. A cute little, half-pint bagman.

 

But that's not all. Sometimes instead of pushing the cart around, he'll stop, dump them all out and then pause, look at us and start saying "Leeedd ott, leeed ott, leeed ott. . ." which is his way of saying "Clean up, clean up, clean up" at which point he  starts to organize his toys - often by putting them in a plastic bin or in his shopping cart again. He'll do this several times a day. We're worried this layoff may have been more detrimental to him than we had anticipated and management is re-examining bringing him back aboard as an outside contractor to see if that corrects his condition.

 

All of that said, if there's ever an appropriate time to laugh at someone with a compulsive behavior, and I'm not sure there is, the Leed Ott time is it. It's pretty amusing, and as a tidy parent, wholly satisfying. Still, no one likes to see a former employee hit hard times. Lucky for him we have a pretty decent severance package. He's still living in corporate housing rent free, has access to his wardrobe and has access to the corporate cafeteria where he continues to get 5 squares a day. It puts the GM Job Bank to shame.

 

The Crazy Cat Lady

A few weeks back, Mary Poole had an encounter with our most long-standing charity case, Rhett. Mary Poole approached the cat who was sleeping under the ottoman in the den. She lifted up the ottoman flap and some peels of delight were exchanged with the kitty. Not sure if it was a turf dispute or just the fact that it's endlessly entertaining to pester Rhett. Whatever the case, because of the tone she took (piercing) and her persistence in playing peek-a-boo with the cat, the exchange quickly escalated to fisticuffs. cording to the police report filed with Deputy Daddy by Mary Poole, Rhett gave her a nip on her hand and then fled the scene to the basement. CSI found no blood at the scene or on the vicitm. There wasn't even any crying, in fact. Just a little amazement and apparently some psychological trauma.

 

While details from the case can't be released as Mary Poole is moving forward with pressing charges, the 911 call has been made public:

"911, What is your emergency?"

"Bite"

"Excuse me?"

"Bite"

"I'm sorry, is this a joke? Bite?"

"Bite . . . . . . . . . . .maow. . . bite"

"Ma'am are you in danger?"

*Unintelligible*

"I'm sorry ma'am but if this isn't an emergency, I have to cut you off."

"Bite . . .  maow . . . bite"

"Has a cat bitten you, ma'am"

Yessss. Bite."

"I'll have a car sent over. Would you like me to remain on the line"

"Yes"

 

The thing is, this little incident has changed Mary Poole. It's left an indelible mark on her. The cat is now responsible for everything. She was in the driveway playing the other day, was running around, fell down and skinned her knee a little. Of course this was upsetting and she ran over to us to tell us.

 

"Oh, did you fall down, Mary Poole"

"Let Mommy see, are you ok?"

". . . . bite."

"Bite?"

"bite . . . maow"

" Now Mary Poole, kitty didn't bite you, you fell"

" . . .bite."

 

This was just the beginning. For no fewer than two weeks, every bruise, scratch, bump and nick that she has gotten has been from Rhett. We think she's probably trying to build her case for the judge. No word from the defendent.

 

So you can see, the recession has hit hard around here. Our son is on welfare. Our cat, who's drawing disability, is quarreling with our daughter and has left her mentally scarred. Here's to hoping things start looking up before things really get ugly.

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We occasionally will come across some of Perritt and Mary Poole's creative works. Sometimes they are scratched out on the Magna-Doodle. Sometimes in the coloring book. This one from Perritt was actually penned on a napkin and tucked away in their pajama drawer. For obvious reasons, it caught our eye. LeeAnn still feels very bad about the experience documented in it. Luckily for me, I wasn't there.

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A right turn into 

a new parking lot

Men holding rags

What is this cave?

 

A green light

A bump

Then red

So dark

 

Water on the windows

So loud

Why doesn't she drive away

Water and spray and water and shaking

Why doesn't she drive away

 

Sister cries

I cry

What is this awful place

Mommy turns around

Says it's ok

Sister and I disagree

 

loudly

Soap, water, will it ever end

The terror

Has it been a hour? A day?

Will this ever end?

The car shakes

The windows rattle

Why won't she drive?

 

Silence

Green light

A bump

The sun

 

The men with rags

What are they doing?

They wipe the windows

Sister stops crying

She sucks her thumb

I calm down

Monkey is so soft

 

Mommy says she's so sorry

She says we'll never go back

She says we'll never go back to the

Car wash